A Scrabbled Sense

or
- dense crab bases -

One of the oldest tools of mystics is the anagram, used to discover the hidden significance of words. By rearranging the letters of a word or a name, a practitioner is supposed to be able to uncover different levels of secret meanings behind that word or name.

We are living in dark times in which mysterious dark forces are working to enact their dark plans through the non-corporeal magic of an electronic astral plane. Their grand wizard, Bill Gates, is now poised to become the most powerful individual on Earth. Now is time for the ancient art of the anagram to be reborn, to reveal the true nature of the nerd who would be king.

irregular actionThe first anagram tells us of the superficiality of the presentation that Mr. Gates makes to the world, telling us that he is a GLIB SLATE. A novice might suppose that this anagram reveals that Bill Gates may be likened to a superfluous chalkboard. However, this message actually relates to Microsoft's internet publication, titled Slate, which started out as a free service to help his company gather information about web surfers but has since become a commercial venture which one has to pay to see. The spirits of the anagram are warning us that Microsoft's online magazine Slate is glib, not worth paying money to see. It is a cyberspace to be avoided at all costs, a disguise for Microsoft's evil intentions.

Another anagram of BILL GATES reveals his sinister side, indicating that he is nothing but a GILT SABLE. In other words, the owner of Microsoft is a weasel who has covered himself in a thin layer of gold. At heart, he still loves to slink under rotten logs, searching for grubs and slugs to eat for breakfast. A voracious forager, he incorporates smaller competitors into himself, scampering up trees to hide when government regulators come to lay their traps.

irregular book of the month What are we to do? Is the situation hopeless? Will we be able to stand against this malevolent messiah or will all humanity be incorporated into his operating system? The deepest anagram gives us some hope, showing us that BILL GATES' true nature is AL GIBLETS, of the edible guts of a bird. This rooster may crow at dawn and strut through the farmyard at high noon of the information age, but in the evening, his craw will be served in the gravy of his own flesh, eaten by a consumer sitting contentedly in the warm kitchen of a farmhouse. It has been revealed by the oracle of the anagram that a chicken with a billion kernels of corn is still a chicken.

return to irregulartimes.com By now, I hope, you have seen the wisdom that is to be found through the cryptic manipulation of the name of the knights of darkness. It is truly reassuring to know that in these times of anxiety and suspicion, faith in the logic of the anagram can deliver us from despair. You have been revealed, Mr. Gates! Beware!



Return to the Irregular Times Anagram Studies


Irregular Times require backtalk. So talk back to us!
Send us an Irregular Retort!
- or -
Submit an irregular article of your original writing to us
and we'll consider it for publication on Irregular Times.