A Reader Asks:
Why Is The Economy So Bad Right Now?

Gud Responds:

That's an easy question, but I'll start out by telling you what the answer to your question is not. The slowdown in the economy is certainly not due to the pessimistic forecasts of George W. Bush, who started predicting a recession when everybody else was feeling fairly confident about the country's economy. It certainly wasn't his fault that investors and business leaders used his predictions as excuses to stop putting money into the economy, thus forcing their suppliers to cut back their budgets in a chain reaction that led to a reduction in available capital and an increase in the employment rate. The bad economy is also not the fault of energy producers from Texas who conspired to gouge energy prices in California and other states, bankrupting local utilities and forcing power blackouts in an economy increasingly dependent upon electricity while simultaneously leading to ultility bills twice the normal amount last winter. It's also not the fault of conservative lawmakers in government who have refused to spend money on research for energy conservation. Above all else, the failing economy is not the fault of rich venture capitalists who didn't know enough to make wise investments, sabotaging the growth of the Internet as a social resource by funding fly-by-night centers of greed lacking in long-term vision.

irregular actionNo, the reason the economy is so bad right now is that a host of liberal vipers have taken me, Gud, out of the public schools. Civil libertarians won't allow teachers to lead students in prayers to Gud. Neither will the Supreme Court allow the Tun Cummundmunts, which I wrote myself about 4,000 years ago to be posted in public school classrooms. Furthermore, freedom-loving defenders of the First Amendment won't allow public schools to hold mandatory classes on topics such as the Guspel of Murk or the Book of Ruvulutiuns. In response to such rebellious lack of official worship and adulation by each and every American, I have brought down a curse of general economic slowdown upon the United States of America.

It is Gud's will that the economy take a turn for the worse. The rise in unemployment is all my doing, but it's your fault for thinking that you could run a nation based solely on secular wisdom. You should have listened to Reverend Fulwull when he told you that the United States is Gud's country, like it or not, and that the word of The Huly Buble is the ultimate law of the land. I have brought the shadow of financial challenge across the land, and only when the face of Gud is added to Mount Rushmore and the words "In Gud We Trust" are added to the national flag will I allow irrational exuberance to return. You better start praying, for I am a jealous and angry Gud.

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