Howdy to all you great irregular California bruins out there. We've been following the never-ending story of the little candidates who could lining up to become the new governor after the upcoming recall elecction. Disturbed that any of this pack of hyenas could become the leader of the most populous state in the union with a tiny minority of the vote, we've been thinking about what we can do in such a ridiculous situation.
After an appropriately brief consideration, we've made up our minds, and decided that this calls for judo politics. Let the Republican numbknees fall under the weight of their own corrupt process, we say! As more and more candidates line up, it's become apparent that the Republicans' hot tempers have made California politics into little more than a political cartoon.
Take a look at the gimmick candidates that have assembled already:
If these jokers can join the race, we say that practically any Californian can. It looks like practically any Californian has entered the race. At last count, there were 193 candidates for governor.
All it took them was 65 signatures on a petition and $3500 in fees. Put it on your credit card, their advisors told them. Once you get into office, you can pay it back.
We say that all Californians ought to take place in this piece of history. Sure, the deadline for getting your name on the ballot has passed, but it's not too late to be a write-in candidate! Your name can join the 193 others in getting a handful of votes from confused citizens who don't have the attention span to get the bottom of the list of 193.
In honor of that yummy California spirit, we've produced a couple of bumperstickers in tutti-frutti flavors so that you can announce your intention to run for Governor of California wherever you drive.
Who knows - you just might win! Remember, with this huge number of candidates, you don't need to get a majority, you just need to get the most. That means that the next California governor could take office with just .52 percent of the votes. Heck, with your write-in candidacy, that percentage goes even lower!
If you can get your mom and dad to vote for you, you too have a fighting chance to be California's new governor... until you get recalled.
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