irregular guy IRREGULAR TIMES

The Cold War is over...

... Welcome to The Could War!

The First Official Memo From the Department of Homeland Security
- Honest to gosh! -

We in the Department of Homeland Security have taken note of the way that during the 20th century, the government was able to convince American voters to approve of policies that would otherwise seem absurd, just by claiming that the nation was at war even when there was no military conflict and no Congressional declaration of war had been signed. They called it the Cold War, and the very idea that the country was at war enabled politicians to start new wars without even declaring them, sending tens of thousands of Americans to their deaths in far-away little countries that had no ability, let alone interest, in doing any harm to the United States.

Oh, how we long for those good old days, when immense budget deficits were no obstacle to multi-billion dollar budgets for elaborate weapons we would never use, when every child in the nation pledged allegiance to anything we told them to before they dutifully practiced hiding under their desks for protection from nuclear bombs, when the threat of attacks from mysterious foreign conspiracies was enough to justify the denial of civil rights to huge numbers of hard working citizens.

Well, everything that's old is new again! The Cold War may be over, but now The Could War has begun.

The Could War is a new and improved version of its predecessor, for while our old enemy the Soviet Union was vulnerable to political extinction, our new enemy (international terrorist evildoers) will never go away. There could always be secret camps of terrorists hiding out in uninvaded, impoverished little countries without adequate air defense systems. There could always be regroupings of old terrorist groups that we thought had been destroyed. There could always be hidden terrorist cells within the United States, just waiting for the right time to attack. Ther could always be new terrorist groups, representing different despised cultural groups, devising ingenious new methods of attack that we had not anticipated. Thus, the Could War will always be necessary and will never end! (Note to Undersecretary of Homeland Security: notify executives at defense contract corporations to prepare for an unprecedented influx of funds into their bank accounts.)

The Could War will have to be fought on many fronts:

return to irregulartimes.comThere are many sacrifices that we'll have to make because of the very real and very serious dangers of the Could War. Wartime requires that we give up some freedoms in order to gain security for our homeland so that we can all continue to live in freedom. After all, we're in a war of freedom against fear!

Don't worry, the loss of freedoms will only last for as long as the war continues, and we in the new department of Homeland Security are sure you won't mind. Terrorists could attack at any time and any place, so as our great leader George W. Bush himself has stated, this Could War against terrorist evildoers will probably never end.

Of course, anything could happen. America had best prepare itself for a long, long struggle.




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