IRREGULAR TIMESNews from the
Committee of Self-righteous and Angry Republicans (CSAR)

The March 2003 meeting of the Committee of Self-righteous and Angry Republicans saw a great deal of celebration as, at long last, our virtuous war to liberate the Iraqi people by bombing the hell out of their cities and taking over their oil fields has begun. Even as we held our meeting in the hall donated by the Fraternal Brotherhood of Stags (thanks, guys!), we had the big screen TV turned on to FOX News, which provided us with the latest pictures of buildings ripped apart with fiery explosions in Iraq's capital city. Let me tell you, this was one of the liveliest meetings we've had in awhile, with cheers all around. Serves them right, the commie-lovers!

Official business started out with approval of a mailing to all those protesters who turned out against the war on Main Street the other day. One of our fine members, Mr. Cuddeback, took down all of their names so that we could turn in a list to the FBI. We're not just going to pass the buck, though. We're sending each one of them an official invitation to leave the country if they hate it so much. Haw, haw!

The main item on our agenda, though, was the consideration of new items to rename in retaliation to the widespread international opposition to the war against Iraq. We're damn proud of the national Republican Party for organizing the bold maneuver of changing the name of french fries and french toast to "freedom fries" and "freedom toast" on the menu in the Capital Building's cafeteria. After all, you're either with us or against us, and the French have chosen to become America's enemy by trying to stop us from going to war. Parley-voos this, Pierre!

We think it's important not to forget, though, that it wasn't just the French who stood in the way of the good guys (that's AMERICA, comrade!). No, let's remember that pretty much the entire Security Council of the United Nations was prepared to vote against the resolution allowing us to go to war. Even with months of diplomacy and billions of dollars in incentives, President Bush and Tony Blair could only get two other countries to support their war resolution, so it didn't even matter that France was willing to veto. Heck, only one other country even offered to send troops: Australia, and they're still pretty much English, aren't they? All these foreigners came to America's United Nations and called America the aggressor! As if.

Well, CSAR may not be willing to forgive, but we won't forget either. We're going to make all these damn foreigners pay!

Effective immediately, CSAR is expanding the Screw France Project to include all other countries that refused to join America in the war. We're writing all the businesses in a 50-mile radius to demand that they make the following changes:

No, on second thought, that title doesn't really seem to suit him.

Oh well, CSAR will just have to take the matter up at our next meeting, during which we'll be deciding how to rename people who dare to defy our plans to provide a gigantic tax cut for the super-rich.

We of the Committee of Self-righteous and Angry Republicans won't let the world forget that it's America that has always stood up for freedom, dignity and honor in the world. If they can't respect that, then to hell with them all!




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