What does Gud look like?

I have to say, this is kind of odd, having a conversation with someone that I've never even seen. What do you look like, Gud?

Okay, I'd like to answer you directly, but you're asking me the wrong question. I don't look like anything.

What do you mean?

Well, it's pretty complicated. It involved the basic laws of physics that I set down when i created the universe a few thousand years ago. The upshot of it is that as the creator of the universe and the foundational being that exists throughout the universe in every single thing, I cannot be seen. It has to do with neutrinos.

Neutrinos? What do neutrinos have to do with it?

Well, the neutrino is the Gud-particle. Haven't you read the book by the famous physicist? I am able to create and control everything in the world through neutrinos, but as everyone knows, you can't see a neutrino.

So you say it's the wrong question to ask you what you look like. What is the right question?

The right question is, "If I could see you, great-and-mighty Gud, what would I see?"

But that's practically the same question!

Well, if you don't want the answer...

Okay, okay. If I could see you, great and mighty Gud, what would I see?

A chess board, with blue lizards on the black squares and flowers from paw paw trees on the white squares.

That makes no sense.

You're telling me. But that's what you'd see if you could see me. Now, if Ringo Starr were to ask me the same question, he'd get a different answer.

What would Ringo Star see, if he could see you, Gud?

A painting of an over-ripe blueberry resting on a pile of perfectly polished sapphires.

Well, that's interesting, but I don't get it. How come I get the wierd chess set and Ringo Star gets the berry on a pile of precious stones?

It's the key to the reason that your first question was the wrong one to ask. I, Gud the great creator and ruler of the cosmos, can only be seen with the mind's eye. I don't look like anything because I have a different appearance to the mind's eye of each individual.

That's very relativistic of you. But why do you appear in my mind's eye as a chess board with lizards and paw paw flowers on it?

I appear as a symbolic representation of each person's most secret desire.

Wow. That's pretty deep. I can't figure out the symbolism of your appearance in my mind's eye. I guess it's just too complex for my human mind. What does it represent?

Well, it sounds stupid if I say it out loud. If I take away the symbolism, it becomes too simplified. The power of the metaphor is taken away.

Oh, come on. I'm going through an awful lot of effort to write all these questions and answers for you. The least you can do is tell me what desire your appearance in my mind represents. Please?

All right, I suppose it won't do any harm, especially in your case: lint.

Lint?

That's right. Your deepest, most secret desire is lint.

That's ridiculous!

Hey, you said it, not me. That's your desire we're talking about. Don't blame me for it.

What about Ringo Star's inner vision of you, Gud? What does that represent?

It has something to do with the autobiography of Charles Kuralt, but I can't tell you anything more than that.

So isn't it kind of weird for you, having a different appearance for each person? Isn't that a lot to keep track of?

Not really. You make up the appearance, not me. I don't worry about it.

Wait a minute. If your appearance is just a reflection of my mind, then who's to say that the rest of you isn't just some...

Hey, time's up for this question! Don't you want to ask me about something else, like my favorite color?

Don't change the subject. I want to know...

Na na na na na na! I can't hear you! Na na na na na!

I thought you were all-powerful. How can you be all-powerful if you can't hear me over your own voice saying "Na na na?"

I'm powerful enough to transcend such petty little differences, that's how. Next question, please.

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