What is Gud's Message For the World?

Listen up Gud, you chose to write down these little question and answer sessions through my keyboard. What's up with that, anyway?

I have a message for the world.

A message for the world? Well, what is it?


You've been in contact with me to get this message out to the world?

Is that so hard to believe?

Frankly, yes. It's a load of gibberish. What were you thinking when you had me write that down?

Well, it's more a matter of what you were thinking. I gave you the message, but you weren't capable of writing it down in time. You don't have the intellectual capacity to understand my message in its pure form. The actual message would fill, in your language, a book with more pages than there are atoms in the Pacific Ocean, and that would just be in shorthand.

So if I don't have the capacity to write down the message you have for the world, then what is this that we're doing?

How do you mean? You humans make no sense when you ask me questions.

Well, if your message for the world is so big that I'm not capable of understanding it, then who's to say that I'm dictating your answers to my questions correctly?

You're not. Your brain is too slow. On the other hand, you're doing it a better job of getting it down than the last time I took a shot at it.

The last time?

Oh yeah. It was a whole book. I gave it a great title, but they couldn't understand it, so they just called it The Book. Now that's creative, isn't it? They probably hadn't seen any other book ever, the ignoramuses!

You don't say. They just called it "The Book"?

Well, in their language it was called Thu Huly Buble. How's that for a mouthful? Sounds like you're eating peanut butter when you say it - am I wrong?

No, you're right. So what did Thu Huly Buble say?

Oh, I meant for it to start out with a bunch of stories about a drag queen named Mudum, but they got that wrong and called him just Udum. That had some unforseen consequences. Then there was this fantastic joke about a guy named Nu-uh, cause he was always mumbling, and how I told him to make a park, but they didn't get that right either. They made the whole damn book all about getting preachy and stoning people. They'd say "Gud's word is in Thu Huly Buble, and Gud tells us that we have to burn you to death," and stuff. Man, I was trying to get my message across in the form of a musical comedy, and just look how they butchered it!

So what was the message again?

You're so forgetful. It's jinkasweaacsjetoiusferunshybaderzertsipockistbervitootles.


That's what I said.

What does it mean?

Well, that's in the message, of course. If you say it as a mantra, you'll catch a glimpse of it. Go ahead. Just center yourself, picture yourself on a quiet white beach, with the waves gently lapping at your feet and say it to yourself in a low voice three times and you'll see what I mean.

Okay. Jinkasweaacsjetoiusferunshybaderzertsipockistbervitootles, jinkasweaacsjetoiusferunshybaderzertsipockistbervitootles, jinkasweaacsjetoiusferunshybaderzertsipockistbervitootles. Wow. That's really something. How does that work?

It doesn't.


I lied. It doesn't do anything when you say it, but you did it anyway! What a canard! I made you say jinkasweaacsjetoiusferunshybaderzertsipockistbervitootles! Ha ha! Next question, you gulla-bull!

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