A Reader Asks:
Why is My Husband Such a Jackass?

Gud Responds:

You use the word "jackass" as an insult but, properly understood, it is a complement. As a jackass, your husband is able to adapt himself to a variety of harsh environments, living off whatever resources are available. Other, lesser animals will die of starvation before they are able to open their eyes to the bounty that surrounds them. Although you may see his behavior as stubborn, it can also be interpreted as resiliently independent. As others shy away from controversial issues, trying to live their lives as inconspicuously as possible, your husband brays loudly without caring what others think of his opinions. He resists the orders of those who would be his masters. He cultivates his stamina in the desert while thoroughbred horses allow their manes to be braided for their final races before they are butchered in their hay-strewn stables to become dog food and jello. Your husband may be a jackass, but you married him. Ask yourself why you married him, and then we may see what can be said of the wife of the jackass. You ask me why your husband is such a jackass. I tell you that I, Gud, Lord of the Cosmos made him a jackass so that you could find a suitable mate.

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