Irregular Finance: Love Your Neighbor!
Dear Irregular Times:
Given that the world's population is projected to reach 40 billion
people by the middle of the next century if it continues to grow at its
current pace, do you really think that it's wise to advise generation Xers
to start investing money for their retirement? Won't the economy fall
apart under the pressure of this tremendous overpopulation?
-Crowded Out
Dear Crowded:
Your question is naive. An increase in population can only improve the
economy and the value of personal investments along with it. The
problems that bleeding hearts like yourself suggest would result from
increased population are mere doom and gloom science fiction. Consider the
following:
1. Increased population means more people to buy more products. At the
same time, the high number of potential workers will create a labor glut
that will allow lower wages. Profits for corporations will go up, as
will the value of their stock.
2. Governments will be too busy trying to find everyone a place to live
and food to eat to enforce the pesky labor, product safety and environmental
regulations that currently impede the healthy growth of business. The cost
of being in business will drop, allowing further profit increases.
3. An objective analysis shows that an individual can live happily in
a 400 square foot one-room apartment, under the right conditions. The
spacious interiors of today are a decadent luxury. Besides, given our
advanced skyscraper technology, we can always build up. The sky's the limit!
4. People living in a democracy will always have to make sacrifices
for the greater good of society as a whole. It is irresponsible,
however, for the workers who directly receive the benefits of big business
to selfishly refuse to reinvest their earnings. Remember, what's good
for business is good for the country.
5. Our nation's defense contractors have developed top secret
technology that will allow industrial development to continue without the
depletion of the Earth's natural resources, pollution of the environment,
danger to consumers or infringement of human rights. Patents are pending.
6. The colonization of Mars should begin in about 15 years, giving us all the space on Earth that we need.
7. People are an expendable commodity. If we get too many, we can
always just mow them down with machine guns and then send in the vultures!
Oops! Forget that last one. Well, anyway, my point is that you can calm down and call your brokers, people. Everything's going to be just fine. I know. I'm a professional.
Return to Irregular Times' Funny Money, you big government spender!
