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irregular times logoVirginia is Not for Lovers

There's an old tourism slogan that the state of Virginia has long used to entice people to come vacation there: "Virginia is for lovers." You've probably seen commercials with this slogan on your television.

Virginia is for lovers, huh? Well, okay, lovers, take a holiday break in Virginia if you must, but if you do, be aware that you may be watched by the police, arrested, and carted off to jail. The crime? Being a lover.

You see, in Virginia, it is against the law for people to have sex of any kind if they are not married. It is also against the law in Virginia for a woman and her husband to engage in oral sex. That's right, lovers: If you visit Virginia and go down on your wife while you're there, you're a criminal.

Virginia is for Lovers, Kinda BumperstickerYou probably are making the charitable assumption that the laws that transform even mainstream sexual activity into crimes are really old, and nobody pays attention to them any more. Well, you're half right. The laws are certainly old and outdated, but the State of Virginia certainly does pay attention to them. In fact, the State of Virginia recently re-evaluated these sex crime laws, and chose to keep them and enforce them.

In a piece of news that comes to us from the Virginia Family Values PAC (representing true family values, not the Republican distortion of family values into repressive values), we learn of a long-overdue bill, SB 1077, that was introduced into the Virginia Senate in January by Senator Patricia Ticer of Alexandria. SB 1077 would have accomplished the simple thing of no longer making it a crime in Virginia for a husband and wife to share oral sex.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? I mean, you would think that all those Republicans who spend so much time screaming at the rest of us that sex should only take place within marriage, and that marriage is only between a man and a woman, would be eager to support a bill that removes legal barriers that criminalize sex within married relationships. You would think Virginia Republicans would recognize that the opportunity for some good, legal oral sex would be a big incentive for a couples to get married.

You would think that, if you were a logical sort of person. The basic thing you would be forgetting, however, is that the Republican anti-sex agenda is not at all rational. The Republicans of Virginia seem to be opposed to sex no matter what, even when it takes place between a husband and wife.

Perhaps you think I'm being unfair in making such a statement, but it's on the record. In the Virginia Senate's Committee for Courts of Justice, the pro-marriage bill SB 1077, that would have finally made it legal for married couples to have oral sex, was voted down in an almost party line vote of 7 to 5.

Every single senator who voted against allowing married people to have sex without committing a crime was a Republican. Every single senator who voted in favor of not arresting and jailing married couples for have oral sex was a Democrat.

Virginia Anti-Lover Hall of Infamy

These senators all voted in favor of making it a crime when married people have oral sex:

  • Frederick Quayle, Republican from Chesapeake
  • Ken Stolle, Republican from Virginia Beach
  • Bill Mims, Republican from Leesburg
  • Nick Rerras, Republican from Norfolk
  • Harry Blevins, Republican from Chesapeake
  • Mark Obenshain, Republican from Harrisonburg
  • Roscoe Reynolds, Democrat from Martinsville
  • Virginia Pro-Family Hall of Honor

    These senators all voted in favor of the family value of letting a husband and wife have sex without branding them as criminals:

  • Patricia Ticer, Democrat from Alexandria
  • Henry Marsh, Democrat from Richmond
  • Janet Howell, Democrat from Fairfax
  • Louise Lucas, Democrat from Portsmouth
  • John Edwards, Democrat from Roanoke (no, not the Vice Presidential nominee)
  • Toddy Puller, Democrat from Fairfax
  • One of the first things I notice about this list is that all the Republicans who voted against the bill to legalize oral sex for married couples in Virginia are men. This proves the point that not only are Republicans mean and oppressive, they're also stupid. Think about this now: Can you really trust any man who would willingly vote to make it a crime to get some oral sex from his wife? There's a basic issue of mental competency involved here.

    My Bedroom My Business Bumper StickerThen there's the matter of the one person who crossed party lines: Senator Roscoe Reynolds - a Democrat - actually voted in favor of making it illegal for a wife and her husband to exchange oral sex! We don't know what's wrong with the home life Senator Reynolds, but we do know that no one who calls himself a Democrat ought to be allowed to cast such a ridiculous vote without catching some big flak for it. For that reason, we're asking our readers to send Senator Roscoe an email letting him know what you think about his vote to make oral sex a crime.

    It looks like Virginia is not for lovers after all. Virginia is for politicians to make big asses out of themselves by making freakish votes in defense of medieval values. What's next, a vote in the Virginia Senate declaring it illegal for women to leave their homes without covering their heads with a scarf?

    I'm waiting, and I'm confident that this bunch in the Virginia Senate will provide us with plenty of more entertainment before they're through.

    A note to Virginians: We're quite aware that not all Virginians are as prudish, authoritarian, and just plain weird as the Republicans in the Virginia state senate. But, these weirdos are your representatives, and if you don't want to be embarrassed by their Dark Ages antics any more, it's up to you to vote them out of office.

    Luckily for you, we have just the resource you need to help vote the anti-sex Republicans radicals out of office: an online Directory of Virginia Progressives. Seek, and ye shall find a good progressive organization in your area that will tell you how you can join and become part of the movement to kick the Republicans out of office in Virginia, and restore Virginia to good, old-fashioned progressive common sense government - you know, the kind that doesn't go snooping into the bedrooms of married couples.

    Take a look at the other wacko ideas offered by the Real GOP
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