There comes a time in every man's life, if you know what I mean.
I've been having a bit of trouble with snow today, or should I say today and yesterday too, with last night in between.
As you all know, it started snowing here yesterday, which is not unusual for this time of year, except when we have an unusual thaw, and then you can't expect snow at all.
Well I didn't mind shoveling it, how it was all light and fluffy and that, except that sometimes snow can be too light and fluffy, if you know what I mean by that. You see the snow, and you're thinking that it's gonna be heavy, but it isn't, and so you lift it too fast, and it all kind of goes flying all over the driveway again, and then you have to gather it up, but slow this time, because it's so light and fluffy. If it just weighs a lot, it's easier.
That's how it was with last night's snow. Too light and fluffy, and too persistent, in spots. I shoveled it at 8:00 in the evening, and missed my shows too, but I thought I would get it all done, but then it was still snowing at 10:30, and I thought, that if I didn't get it done now, then I might have to get it done later, so I did it then, even though it was dark.
I know some of you neighbors was looking at me. Remember, it's not my fault that we have weather!
Then when I got up in the morning, there was another three inches. Wouldn't you know - it was light and fluffy too! Still, I didn't want ice, so I had to get it off, and I did, right before even my coffee, which was a dumb idea because of my fingers getting cold.
Also, too, I got the sidewalk so all of you can't file a lawsuit for wrongful snow in front of my house where you want to walk, though there's still that bump where the tree roots used to be but rotted away, so watch out for that.
Anyone got a spare tree root I could put under there?
I normally would not shovel my driveway at all, but I was renting a car because my car is still in the shop, all the time since June, given that I haven't called up Howie and asked him how much his repairs estimate might be.
I like driving in a rental car because of the way that they clean the seats so nice. I don't know how they do that, given the way that I'll have a cup of coffee (no lid!) when I'm driving, or sometimes Pringles.
The thing was that this was one of those new cars that beeps like a truck when you back up, and I thought I was doing something wrong, and was looking at the dashboard thinking, does a rental car run out of oil a lot? So, I wasn't thinking like I normally do about where I was going, and I went too close to the maple tree on the left side of the driveway.
This was a Dodge something car, and I've noticed that Dodge cars are kinda guy cars because they're so much wider than other cars, and even the front hood looks kinda higher, like if it were a person it would be a guy, because guys have big hoods sometimes, or feel that way, anyway, even if they're walking.
Well, I was just six inches off to the side, which meant that the rear tire was in the snowbank. I tried to go forward, but the wheel was spinning - rear wheel drive. I thought to myself, hey buddy don't you go spinning your wheels! Only jerks who don't know anything about cars spin their wheels.
All the car did was to slide sideways, even further into the snowbank, though, because of that paving drive last summer, when I got a new layer on the blacktop, but didn't take the old one off, so the driveway is six inches off the ground.
Dad always talked to me about stuff like that at summer camp.
I tried to rock the car, but it was an automatic transmission, which is the downside to getting a rental car. Lots of great clean seats, but no way you're going to get out of a snowbank, which is another thing.
Unless you go through it, I said. Unless you go through it.
The car wanted to go backwards, but it slid more off the driveway the more I went and dug it out. It was like I was giving the car permission to be bad. I don't think it needed permission, though, and that's what I would tell the President of Dodge Cars if he were here right now.
Before I knew it, I knew that I was going to have to go all the way out through the side yard and through the big snowbank that the plows had piled up next to the street that night. That's bad, because those snowbanks from the plows have this kind of ice and snow that 's actually kind of like gritty sand on the beach with bad traction.
I had to walk right through the snow that was taller than me and cut it apart, and all that time I was thinking, hey, this snow is cold! Because it was going up my pants because I didn't have boots on. So how come, if we've had pants for thousands of years, no one ever thought that if you don't put bottoms on them, someone's going to get snow up them?
I digged for about 30 minutes, and I was getting pretty hot I can tell you, except for my cold legs I mean. I was finally getting the car out through that tunnel I cut, but then it made a funny coughing noise and stopped right on the street and I couldn't push it back in the driveway because it was too slippery.
I think I got car stuck up the exhaust pipe, and it was too cold to melt it. I had to call to get a tow from Howie and a repair. He'd probably want to talk about my other car too. I felt pretty bad about that.
So, I was waiting for the car to get fixed, I was sitting next to this young lady who was working on her computer. I didn't look on her screen, but she just kept on sighing a lot.
I asked her what the problem was, and she said that her ITunes kept on trying to download podcasts.
Wasn't that what the computer was supposed to do?
Yeah, she said, but the Internet connection in the car dealership was too weak to download them quickly. That was causing everything else to slow up, she said. She was in a hurry to take a look at some web site, she said.
But she was waiting for her car to get fixed, I said, so what's the big deal?
She said her car was already fixed. She was just using the Internet.
So why why not just turn off her ITunes, I said?
If she did that, she'd have to listen to the music coming from the radio in the dealership office, she said. It was an 80s rock band, I think. She said she wanted to listen to something else instead.
Like one of the podcasts she was downloading maybe?
She never had time to listen to podcasts, she said.
That's when the car I was driving got fixed, and I paid the bill and drove away. It was a good thing too, because watching that young lady use her computer, I felt like I didn't have anything to do at the dealership, and that makes me feel the kind of anxious that I don't like.
It's not every day we have something like that happen, you know. So, I made myself busy and made coffee, and thats when I figured out what made the coffee at the shop taste different. It was because it was instant coffee from crystals, and I was wondering crystals of what.
But, that's just how things are sometimes. There's a reason they call it winter, you know.