They say that in Spring a young man's thoughts turn to love, but they never mention what a young woman's thoughts turn to, and that makes me kind of suspicious. Now that we're on the subject, what are old men and women's thoughts supposed to turn to, oatmeal? Sounds to me like there's a lot more going on than they want to admit.
But here we are in the middle of Spring, and it looks like a lot of folks here in Sydeville are turning their thoughts about as far away from love as you can get. Take Judith Farzolo now, down over on Mill Corners Road. She's what I mean when I start talking about young women's thoughts and Spring. You may recall that last November she met this english fellow and just took to him. Problem was, she already had herself a live-in boyfriend, some guy from over across Salmon Creek. Well, he was out in less than a week after he caught Judith and her bloke (that's what they call them in England) making eyes at each other down in Miller's grill around closing time. It wasn't January before Judith and the English bloke were married, but you and I know that folks in England and folks here at home just don't drive on the same side of the street. See now, that's especially a problem cause he's a truck driver. Now, don't ask me what they need people to drive trucks on such a little island as England, but apparently they do. Probably has something to do with that foot and mouth disease or mad cow disease or something. The point is, they're getting splitting up now too, and getting divorced over in Alton Bay, but none of this has escaped the attention of Sheriff Woods, who's looking to turn them both in to the Immigration and Naturalizing Service for illegally entering the country. They haven't worked out whether they can charge Judith with that, though, since she was born here in Sydeville and hasn't been downstate since a field trip to the Guggenhime in the seventh grade.
None of this has stopped Judith's mother, Mary Farzolo, from leading the restoration of the flower beds down at the Methodist church. You'll all remember that a couple years ago the beautification committee decided to design the beds according to a millenium theme. Problem was, they couldn't rightly decide which year was the proper start of the millenium. Ms. Brown, the math teacher down at Farewell Jenkins Middle School insisted that the new millenium started this January, 2001. The only solution the committee could think of was to wait the whole year before planting the design. Now that the ground has finally gone unfrozen - thank you, Kevin Williams! - they're putting in the flowers. The design is supposed to look like fireworks, with a scatter of bursts of color, and although some folks have commented that that's what a flower bed usually looks like, the mayor himself has complemented the committee for their creativity.
Well, it's time for me to tend my own garden before the whole thing goes green, as they say. How does the saying go - in like a lion? Well, out with the old and all that, but don't spend too much time frollicking in the fresh green grass to miss that special down at the Big-T: two-pound pork loins for a dollar! You won't find those kinds of deals in Filene's Basement, if you know what I mean.