wandering aimlessly

Wandering Aimlessly.........
Global Warming Hits Sydeville, New York

This week, some bad news we all already knew about came from Bart Avery, our local TV 10 WeatherCenter partner. As you all know, Bart supplements his income by working as an occasional substitute teacher in Earth Science over at the high school. Earth Science is supposed to include learning about rocks and minerals and all, but what I never could understand was how come part of Earth Science is learning about the weather. I mean, the weather happens in the air and all, not on the ground! You'd think that earth and air would be pretty easy to tell apart, but apparently not for those scientists. I mean, when I say that I've got my feet planted here on Earth, I don't mean that I'm walking on air, you know! Then there's meteurology: the study of the weather, that's what Bart tells me. Sounds like the study of meteurs to me! Well, I knew I missed somethin sleeping through class like that.

Anyway, Bart seems to take his responsibilities as a substitute teacher pretty serious, cause last fall he put up a little miniature weather station up on the roof of his trailer, right next to a satalite dish that he uses to get weather broadcasts from around the world. With all these gizmos up there he's been keepin track of of the temperature and stuff like that for the last six months and he says he's got some bad news: turns out global warming is happening right here in Sydeville!

Now, I've always said that it doesn't take an old man with a trick knee to tell when a thunderstorm is coming, but I have to admit that I was plenty surprised by this one. After all, I was reading in Cosmopolitan just yesterday about how all of the fashions come from Paris and New York City and Milan wherever that is. Guess I just figured all the trends worked like that. See, now just yesterday Bart says that we got up to 97 degrees. That's right, 97 whole degrees fairenheight on the 3rd of May! That sounds like a record high to me! Thanks to Bart for keeping us abreatsted.

You'd think that this evironmental crisis would get on the news, but my husband and I watched the 5:00 AND the 10:00 and we didn't hear anything about it. Go figure! On CNN they were going on and on about how Central Park down in the city got up to 94 degrees, but we beat them by three whole points! And we're what, at least a good one hunderd miles to the north of them. We're still holding out some hope that Wolf Blitzer or at least Bobbi Batista might come on up and do a special report or maybe a human interest story, but so far our phone calls are just being returned by some intern.

Well, I don't want to even think about what we're gonna be looking at this summer. Down the street, Shiela Abernathy's already got her wading pool out in the back yard. I hear tell that the corn will do well in the heat, but that the sweet pea crop is shot and the pansy hybrid program over at the Trackless Nursery had to be scrapped. How's the saying go - let the seeds fall where they may? All I got to say is, tell it to the lillies of the field, if you catch my drift. Stay cool now - and don't forget to straighten up your front yard for the news cameras!

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